My goodness it’s been awhile. I’ve been so busy writing for others that as per usual I’ve neglected my own personal blog…and…I’m also fairly certain this preamble has graced the opening lines of pretty much every post I’ve ever written, but what can I say? I’m commitment-phobic.
So, as some of you may or may not know…I’m a bit of an astrology nerd. I won’t say I’m super-knowledgeable about it because I’m totally too lazy for that and it can get rather complicated what with trines and conjuncts and all that other stuff BUT I do know this is the Year of the Snake according to Chinese lore and my, can I tell you, it’s been spitting plenty of venom thus far! Even still, viper up-chuck and all, I’ve learned plenty about how I handle conflict and, as one of my film profs pointed out, when faced with conflict true character gets a chance to shine. Or, in my case…explode.
I feel like everything that had to happen up ’til now in my life has and for a good reason, as cliché and “un-proveable” as it is. My journey’s never been easy, I don’t think anyone’s is, but even when things seem bleaker than black and you feel like you’re just the WORST person alive…you’ve got to keep believing in something. Believing that you feel that way in order to identify patterns that have led you there and neutralize them, so that in the future, the path you walk down is a lot less jagged. And also believing in the good you’re doing for others, though neither of you may see it that way at the time. Granted, if I’m honest I must admit others’ feelings were the least of my worries during times of conflict (the whole self-preservation thing, I guess), but in retrospect, I’m sure every single interaction, exchange, glance even…just…rippled. And who knows how many different windows and doors were slammed open by all that. As my friend Anna told me, “The problem isn’t that there are problems in life…the problem is thinking there shouldn’t be any.” Once you stop expecting life to owe you some modicum of “the ideal,” you can instead focus on building it within your own life from the dust and rubble of past mis-steps (or what you perceive to be mis-steps, anyway).
That’s what the snake has shown me so far…without the poison, there can be no cure.