Blog Archives

When Queers Attack…Fighting Back!

Here’s the thing that really pisses me off. Scouring articles for topics to blog upon and finding repeated cases of violence and injustice within the system against GLBT individuals. Why should safe-guarding your life be handled differently just because you’re fighting back while G, L, B, T or any other letter of the alphabet?!

Surviving a violent encounter used to be something to be lauded. Wow! You had a brush with death and managed to make it out unscathed. I’m so glad you’re alive! Not for LGBT people…the system seems to hate the fact that society lost a “normal” to a “queer.” Read more of this topic here. I wrote it for the UDGLBT, which you should all be sure to follow…because they’re doing wonderful things for LGBT individuals in an area that, originally was rather desolate in terms of resources. Share this, support this, make it big…because as I say in the post…if we don’t support one another and make noise for ourselves, there’s not a blessed soul out there that will.

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Queen

I opened a window back to his world
A world of “I could be’s” and “maybe”
A world of prattling prayers and possibilities
That the “me” in the mirror could not yet see

Maybe I could be a Queen…that steals all the boys’ hearts
Maybe I could be a Queen…that’s completely off the charts
That zigs and zags every which way…just like they do in all the chess games
Maybe I could be a Queen…enthroned and scheming to fill her humdrum days
Maybe I could be a Queen…of riches…all of which, I’d give away

Maybe I could be a Queen…that trades her crown for love
Maybe I could be a Queen…that never bites her tongue
Maybe I could be a Queen…dipped in blood and hard as stone
Maybe I could be a Queen…armor-clad and barbed-wire bad…to the bone

Maybe I could be a Queen, a Queen and not a pawn
Maybe all my rights of manhood could be willed away…long-gone
Maybe I could be a Queen…a lion turned to lamb

Then maybe I remember…I already am.

Why Mitt Romney Bothers Me…A Transgendered Perspective

There are a lot of reasons why I find Mitt Romney’s participation in the 2012 Presidential Election thoroughly disturbing; mostly because in this day and age I find it revolting to see fear-mongers such as himself rise to such powerful positions, and teeter on the edge of turning our beautiful country into a white-washed wasteland, reflective of his own distorted societal views.

This is a man who makes big promises and pretends to be what you want him to be (fine, like every politician you’re saying and, to a certain extent, you’re right), BUT this is also a man who bullied his classmates on the suspicion that they were gay and forcibly attacked a suspected gay classmate with a pair of scissors, shearing off his hair because he found its length inappropriate. What his supporters, especially the ones sympathetic to LGBT causes for whatever reason, fail to see is that he wants to project that same juvenile attitude onto all LGBT families on a much wider scale. He wants to cut us out of his vision. A vision that sounds fine enough if you’re a straight, non-minority with a lot of money and an undeserved superiority complex. That I’m not so offended by, because quite frankly, I wouldn’t be a part of this man’s anything if he paid me by the million. The part that offends me is that he’s taking that skewed thinking even further and wants to cut us off from our fundamental human rights. This is a man who actively supports measures that would strip LGBT folk of marriage equality, and anti-discrimination policies in the workplace. This is a man who was too afraid to attach his name to an anti-bullying pamphlet because it contained the words ‘bisexual’ and ‘transgender.’This is a man who “threatened to shut down the Governor’s Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth and vetoed a $158,000 budget item meant to counsel violence victims in the LGBT community.” This is a man who believes there is a “gay agenda.” What exactly is it, pray tell Mr. Romney? Requesting help to recover from the life-long trauma that bullies like you have caused us throughout our crucial formative years? Trying to heal the suicidal near-misses because a lot of us have been so put off by the kind of hate you and your kind engender that we would rather end our lives than continue dealing with you? No sir…if anyone has an agenda, it’s you and your camp. The “gay agenda” if you can call it that, is a cry for equal human rights and the same life, liberty and pursuit of happiness you have. It’s not a “gay agenda,” it’s a “human agenda.” Because like it or not, Mr. Romney, we are human beings…just like you, some of us just happen to be gay or transgen- oops, I forgot…that word’s scary for you.

That being said…I must admit, I’ve never been the most politically active person in the world. I always tried to stay away from ‘stuff like that,’ deeming it too frustrating and too complicated to deal with. Additionally, having to deal with the intricacies of my own transition all these years left me little time to involve myself. Until I realized that all of that thinking is horse-puckey. ‘Stuff like that’ is what effects every American person’s life and we should all take an active stake in seeing that things continue to evolve by not allowing them to decay. I don’t typically vote (mostly becuase my mother always told me once I registered they’d be able to make me do jury duty…don’t believe it, they got me long before I ever registered anyway), and I know a lot of LGBT people who are either politically apathetic or Log Cabin Republicans, but please…for all our sakes, stop Romney! Stop him because he doesn’t want you to be a part of anything he does. Stop him because he wouldn’t have supported you in high school and he won’t support you now! Stop him because he doesn’t see you and he never will. If you can’t recognize another person’s human rights, you essentially fail to recognize them as human. I can’t wait until November to show Mr. Mitt Romney how very human I am by voting for Obama and making my voice count, just like you hopefuly will, even if you don’t usually…so that you can show him how human you are too.

Butterfly In Yellow

I am a yellow thing
Not pink, nor blue
But…yellow
I’m pinned to these wings of mine
Just as claw is to crab
And pennies are to pinchers

I am a flutterer
Not hawk, nor dove
I can’t soar or fly
I just…flutter…on by

I do no wrong in this
One can’t be faulted
For a silk-spun birth
That is it’s own reward

I bridge the gap
The day and night
Beating yellow wings against the
Shifting rings of sky
Rising higher than the worm
Yet never flocking with the birds

I, enchanted disillusion,
Make a home amidst the flowers
A cascade of kaleidoscopic calm
Devours
And swirls about like pollen 

These are the highest heights
A butterfly can reach
Within the floral rows
Of amber, peach and green
Here, where color, reigns supreme 

Pride – A Poem

A sea of primaries
Swells the city-streets
Narrow canals – blazing blue, roaring red, yelping yellow

Streamers and floats
Too proud not to gloat
And today at least, that’s okay

Flaunting and flouncing
Bouncing higher than sky-bound balloons

I march and I step
Pound the black pavement
On three-inch heels
Fanning myself in fawning frenzy
Dainty as a Chinese maid
As the road we traverse
Simmers and the sunbeams burst
Overhead
My fanning picks up steam
I’m a monsoon now,
Riding a wave under the pyramidal slopes
Of my scarlet paper parasol

United under this umbrella
Vivid with verve,
Livid with nerve
Shielded from the reverb
Of those who don’t quite ‘get’
Us fancy-folk,
Folk who bleed rainbows
Folk who weep wonder

Bear becomes brethren,
Trans becomes trooper,
Nudist becomes neighbor,
Pride becomes all…

Together we walk, over and under,
The brightest umbrella
On a day without rain

Pre-PRIDE Ramblings

As per my promise in the last entry…

Current plans/reflections

Gosh…it’s 3:36 in the friggin’ morning right now and I just finished cleaning up all the crap I’ve been trying on for the past two hours in preparation for my very first gay pride march. My final answer? A peacock-print tunic which I’m opting to wear as a dress by excluding any pants. I’m usually pretty prude about dress-length, but for the Gay Pride Parade where too high isn’t high enough, what with all the naked lesbians and whatnot, I think it’s okay to bend the rules, no? It’s only a few inches above my knee, but my grandmother still thinks it’s too short. Am I crazy for asking my bible-thumping grandma for advice on how to dress for the gay pride parade in NYC? I mean really, I feel like I’m the only transgendered twenty-something woman in this exact situation…but in a way I’m also pretty damn lucky to be in this exact situation. Anyway, word of advice for next year…don’t ask your grandmother for advice on what to wear. She says ‘no’ to everything and makes you feel fat about yourself.

Moving on randomly…I’m working on a short story/epic novel…yeah somehow it’s a happy medium between the two. It’s I guess, what you’d call a fantasy-type story centered around a powerful Eunuch who lives in a realm where magic is commonplace and who essentially has to fight to regain her homeland, etc. etc. I’m pretty optimistic about it. A few months ago I started working on the concept of a trans-heroine that trans-teens might become trans-fixed by (ok enough with the trans, I promise). Someone who has action-packed adventures like…I dunno, Xena Warrior Princess (am I dating myself? I feel like I am). In any case, I’m thinking of putting it out as a free e-book when I’m finally finished with it, but I’d like to gauge interest levels, so…anyone? Anyone at all? … Bueller?

In other early morning randomness, I’ve been watching Dream Of The Red Chamber on the YouTube lately. I’ve also started reading the David Hawkes translation (entitled Story Of The Stone) which is pretty awesome, I must say. Don’t ask me why I found myself so suddenly immersed in this story…I’m not Chinese and I honestly can’t remember what specifically piqued my interest in this tale other than my life-long fascination with Asian cultures…but for whatever reason, fate wanted me to know of its existence. I must say, the thing that I find the loveliest about this story, specifically its television adaptation where you can really see it, is the sheer liveliness of the characters. The simple joys of touring the gardens with friends, gazing upon exotic flowers and birds in flight, sipping wine and composing poetry on the kang. All in 18th Century China…before the internet, before television, before people relinquished their zest for just living and decided instead to live vicariously through technology. Not that I’m knocking the world of technology, after all it’s the reason I’m able to write this entry, I just admire the simplicity of the times and that ability to be stimulated by such things. I feel like so many of us are just plain jaded in this day and age, myself included. It would be nice to step into Bao-yu’s world for a while. But only a short while…after all…I’m a spoiled American who melts in 80 degree weather without any air conditioning.

Siiiigh…well, that’s all for now, dear readers. I might post a video tomorrow or right before the Pride Parade. Then again, I might not. It all depends on how lazy I’m feeling. But either way, I’ll let you know how it goes…so wish me luck! ^_^

Woman

Woman

It’s what I am, for it’s what I’ve proven myself…to be

Groomed myself…to ‘she’

Longing for that proclamation of justification

The feather kisses of a man who’ll never stray too far away

So I prune my legs like twin bonsais

Color and contour, pad and tuck, pull and strut

Swallow down these tiny purple pills

That grant new life, even as…they threaten death.

Women

It is what we are

Neither hunters nor gatherers…but carriers

Of life, of secrets, of tiny miseries and shallow disasters

Of benedictions and curses, of light and of shadow

Of your story and mine

Woman, twice born

Once divine.

Busy week…

For me anyway. I just did my second public speaking event at a training for DYFS and it was phenomenal. I could tell all the caseworkers there were interested in learning about trans-issues and that just made my day! ^_^ I’m really digging this whole “public speaker” thing and I’m totally hoping for more engagements down the road. So, we’ll see.

Other than that, I’ve been tossing around some ideas for what my next trans-related entry will be about. My friend suggested “trans-safety,” a guide for mtf’s, which I think is an awesome idea! Basically the point was made that a lot of trans-women don’t get the kind of “basic female survival” tips that their cisgendered peers do. So what we have are droves of young trans-women who have been indoctrinated against seeing the potential threats that any cisgendered woman would have been conditioned to from a very early age, or worse, they’ve been taught to face that danger instead of to evade it. Many young trans-women don’t realize that dark parking lots are dangerous places or that you should check the backseat of your car before getting in and locking all the doors. I had a very overprotective Spanish grandmother so I know these things, but many people in my position lack that kind of know-how. It’s something that definitely warrants an entry, which I’ll hopefully write soon, after conducting some research. Any other entry ideas are more than welcome (just post them in the comments section below)…I’ve been experiencing some creative road-blocks lately, no doubt exacerbated by Summer laziness. Still, I wanted to let you ALL know how much I value you…be it a subscriber or casual reader. I’m so glad to be sharing my voice with you all, thanks for letting me and there’ll be more to come soon. ^_^

Why Date A Transsexual?

Why, indeed? First, let me preface this entry with a bit of minutiae concerning my motivation for writing this…I was just lolly-gagging about doing nothing when I decided, as I sometimes do, to check my WordPress dashboard. As I scanned the search terms my beloved audience used to find me over this past year or so, I saw that one of those search terms was ‘why date a transsexual?’ Now, I’d done a post when I first started this blog about why gay men don’t date transsexuals, mostly to educate those certain individuals out there who can’t seem to distinguish ‘m-to-f transgender’ from ‘flamboyantly effeminate gay man’ and explain why things are as they are. It must have been that entry which hooked in the querent who’d made that particular search. Either way, seeing that search term ignited something in my brain and I thought, “Hey! Why would you want to date a transsexual?” Especially with all the negative stigmas that exist towards us as a group. Upon careful reflection, though, I’ve found that there are actually a lot of good reasons why you should date a transsexual (or at least be open to the idea). This can certainly apply to many other people out there who are not transgendered or even female, and it might just be a list of sweeping generalities, but it’s my blog…so I don’t care. Without further ado…

1) Depth Of Perception: Trans-people tend to be gifted with amazing perceptive abilities that extend even beyond themselves and onto others. They tend to be able to see through all the muck and see the true, underlying substance of a person. This comes from the experience of having to establish our own identities firmly in spite of what society tells us is otherwise the case. Perceptive people usually make more attentive significant others as they can pick up on subtle cues that other prospective partners may miss.

2) True Appreciation: From my own experiences, I can say as a transwoman I sometimes feel like complete shit about myself. I think that’s the same for a lot of trans-people out there, if not all. In the back of our minds, we can’t really shake that feeling that we’ll never measure up to “the genuine article.” But what is “the genuine article?” What is the measure of a true man or a true woman or a true human being? True…being true to yourself, maybe? In that sense, we are the truest form of human. The most genuine. Still, there lies that inferiority complex which society is mostly to blame for. That being said, when we find love, we tend to really appreciate it because we know it’s such a rarity to find considering our situations.

3) Enduring Affection: Trans-people know how to set goals for themselves. The biggest goal being attaining some form of gender congruency (whether it entails surgical intervention or not). We know how to value the new developments of our transition (whether it’s a name change or your first bra) and using that as an impetus, continue our struggle….always. That kind of philosophy extends to how we treasure our relationships. When something is not the way it should be, we take the necessary steps to remedy the situation. That is the very foundation of our lives. We don’t give up, we endure, no matter what. In today’s society of, “He said such and such, who needs that? I’M DUMPING HIM!!” this can be something of a rarity. That said though, we’re not doormats either, if something’s making us feel less valued as a human being, we won’t settle, if fixing things doesn’t work, we’ll cut our losses and move on.

4) Embracing Of Femininity: This is nothing new. Many men I’ve dated have told me that the reason they favored transsexual women over their cisgendered peers was because many trans-women tend to carry themselves in a more conventionally “feminine” manner. Nowadays, a lot of girls just dress up in sweat pants or pajamas and think they look cute. Really enjoying the privileges society has bestowed upon them as natal females, such as wearing make-up or having long, done-up hair has become a chore for many of them. And I’m not saying that I always look like America’s Next Top Model, because I don’t, but I do always make some effort to display the femininity I haven’t always been so free to express. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but many men are attracted to femininity. Opposites attract and this is true here. With a trans-woman, you’ve got a partner who embraces and expresses her femininity in ways that many cisgendered women just don’t feel like doing. Not that that’s bad, per se, it’s just…different. ^_^

5) An Open Mind: As transgendered individuals, we have to have open minds. This is just something we need in order to understand the context of our unique situations. With an open mind, we’re more willing to hear what our partners have to say about a plethora of different subjects. We can freely see ourselves in their shoes because not so long ago, we were in their  shoes. As trans-women, we know the demands society places on men and I think, because of that, we’re a little more lenient.  We understand that there is duality in everything and truly two sides to every story which is helpful in developing an effective rapport and building communication.

6) Personal Test Of Character: It won’t be easy, champ! But, really, what in life is? Society is still at a point in its evolution where many people don’t think it “proper” to date a trans-person. Especially considering all the supposed “cons” (dating us is a reflection of your own masculinity and makes you gay, we can’t have kids, the current state of our bodies, etc, etc.). Still, if you have the courage to just cast it all to the wind and date who you want to date because of who they are and not what they are, you will be happier in the long run and also become more aware of your own amazing strength of character…because it’s not easy risking rejection to follow your heart…but we manage to somehow and so should you! ^_^

So if you’re one of those men out there teetering on the fence about a girl you like who just might happen to be trans, think less about the negatives and contemplate the positives. And most of all, just love who you love…don’t let society tangle you up in its bullshit…it’s never worth it…take it from me!